Don’t judge me, don’t criticize my choices, what I do, I do because I have to, not because I want to.
Right now, at this moment I should be aboard my flight, heading towards my past, heading to Sydney, but instead I’m still here, trying to deal with everything that happened last night, or this morning, really depends how you look at time I guess.
I was visited again last night, by the mysterious shadow that seems to haunt my dreams. It was sometime around 3:00am when I woke and felt its presence, like I have the few nights before. I laid there, watching it, watch me, I swallowed, didn’t make any sudden movements and told it, as calmly as I could to leave. It just stood there, watching, not moving, I repeated the words again, told it to leave, this was my home, and it was not wanted. Then, for the first time since it appeared, it moved. It was a slight movement, nothing grand or revealing, but enough to send my heart racing. Its head moved to the side, it wasn’t a fluid movement either, it was like an animated cartoon, missing several cells, it skipped images, and its head turned to the side, like how a dog looks at you when it’s trying to figure out what you’re saying. I felt the sweat bead on my forehead, my hands were instantly clammy, and I had the urge to piss as my stomach twisted like a washing machine on its final cycle.
For minutes we both stayed there, locked in this moment, and then I uttered the words again for it to leave, again it showed no indication of understanding me. I stammered, spluttered, and shook with fear as I forced myself up into a sitting position, I yelled this time, told it to leave, said it was unwanted, this was my home and I wanted it out. That’s when it lurched up like a cobra, it’s size grew until it filled the room with its shape and then it came at me, I tried to scream, but it was jamming itself down my throat, that’s when I heard it, 3 words, repeated over and over again, ‘WRITE MY STORY’ it said, then I opened my eyes and the room was empty, I leapt out of bed, alone as the clock flicked over to 6:00am.
I’m still trying to figure out if it was a dream or if it really happened, a month ago I would’ve told you it was a dream, now, I’m not sure, maybe it’s always been there but I’ve just been too fucked up to notice it until now, shit, I have no idea. Anyway, if that was all it was, I’d say it was a dream, but, there’s a rash, an itchy, dark, pus filled rash, that I think’s spreading up my left leg. I’ll go to my GP tomorrow and have him look at it, maybe it’s always been there too, maybe it’s nothing. I don’t know to be honest, all I know is I can’t leave, I can’t endanger anyone if it’s something more than my imagination playing tricks on me.