The words of the day, are mental health, amazing words that many of us thrust out heads into the sand when we hear them, today, in a society plagued by the self-destructive vices of oneself, I say today, but in reality problems unseen, undiagnosed, have been a part of the human make up since the beginning. How can we overcome it, how can we seek the help we need when, at times we don’t realise the self-destructive road we are on ourselves? For some of us, we don’t, for some of us we fail to find that outlet, that peace of mind, and, in the end, choose to remove ourselves from the equation. Leaving others to deal with the pain, other we profess to love, care for and cherish. I can’t make an argument, a diagnosis, or look down upon anyone here, I have had my ups and downs, I have sought out help, I have been broken, bitter, and lost, but for me, I found it, I saw life differently when I felt I was lost within a room of closing doors. Mental health is not a dirty word, mental health is not a weakness, mental health is not an excuse. Mental health is a killer, a destructive force that can ruin lives, that can force people to lock themselves away within they own-skin, mental health is a demon, a beast, a monster, that no one should ever feel wrong for attempting to deal with, AND NO ONE should ever face it alone Acceptance is the beginning, but the struggle, is far from over, because there is no worse enemy, no stronger fighter, no one more cunningly brutal, than oneself.
Today I feel anxious, my three-year old performed when I dropped her off at school, she wanted to come home, wanted me to stay longer, wanted me to play, ignoring her friends who constantly wanted her to be involved in what they were doing, even changing their games into ones they know she enjoys playing. You may think why did I bother, why send her to care when I’m home? Why pay someone to do a job I should be doing, now that I’m home, and unemployed? The answer is a simple one. Since I left my employment, since I arrived home, there has been no moment to myself, there has been no real moments of reflection, and, I think, after all those years of working, I deserve a day to myself, to have no responsibilities, to relax.
This is my third day of unemployment, today I face change alone, with no distractions, with no one else to focus my thoughts. Today I plan my tomorrow.
Wrapped in words, hidden in plain sight, for the world to see, here is my pain, here is my fear, now, see the real me, take a good look, for my skin may be pale, my wings may be broken, my soul may be twisted, my eyes my be empty, but, my life is worth living, for my life is my family, and my family is my life.