Category Archives: Life

Stay Within The Lines – Day Three

The words of the day, are mental health, amazing words that many of us thrust out heads into the sand when we hear them, today, in a society plagued by the self-destructive vices of oneself, I say today, but in reality problems unseen, undiagnosed, have been a part of the human make up since the beginning. How can we overcome it, how can we seek the help we need when, at times we don’t realise the self-destructive road we are on ourselves?  For some of us, we don’t, for some of us we fail to find that outlet, that peace of mind, and, in the end, choose to remove ourselves from the equation. Leaving others to deal with the pain, other we profess to love, care for and cherish. I can’t make an argument, a diagnosis, or look down upon anyone here, I have had my ups and downs, I have sought out help, I have been broken, bitter, and lost, but for me, I found it, I saw life differently when I felt I was lost within a room of closing doors. Mental health is not a dirty word, mental health is not a weakness, mental health is not an excuse. Mental health is a killer, a destructive force that can ruin lives, that can force people to lock themselves away within they own-skin, mental health is a demon, a beast, a monster, that no one should ever feel wrong for attempting to deal with, AND NO ONE should ever face it alone Acceptance is the beginning, but the struggle, is far from over, because there is no worse enemy, no stronger fighter, no one more cunningly brutal, than oneself.

 

Today I feel anxious, my three-year old performed when I dropped her off at school, she wanted to come home, wanted me to stay longer, wanted me to play, ignoring her friends who constantly wanted her to be involved in what they were doing, even changing their games into ones they know she enjoys playing. You may think why did I bother, why send her to care when I’m home? Why pay someone to do a job I should be doing, now that I’m home, and unemployed? The answer is a simple one. Since I left my employment, since I arrived home, there has been no moment to myself, there has been no real moments of reflection, and, I think, after all those years of working, I deserve a day to myself, to have no responsibilities, to relax.

This is my third day of unemployment, today I face change alone, with no distractions, with no one else to focus my thoughts. Today I plan my tomorrow.

Wrapped in words, hidden in plain sight, for the world to see, here is my pain, here is my fear, now, see the real me, take a good look, for my skin may be pale, my wings may be broken, my soul may be twisted, my eyes my be empty, but, my life is worth living, for my life is my family, and my family is my life.

Stay Within The Lines – Day Two

Time, that’s what it’s all about right? We complain about never having any, but when we have it, we don’t know what to do, wasting every vital second on things that add nothing to our lives or our accomplishments, but, isn’t that the point of it all?

 

I feel less satisfied with myself today, old, drained of drive, but, free to choose what I do, although I still don’t have a clue what it is I’m supposed to be doing, three days ago I knew what each day would bring, today, there is no set path, should I be worried, or should I progress each step forward until whatever it is I should be doing, I am…

This is my second day of unemployment, the second day of my new life, do I mourn my loss, is it a loss? Or a release from unrealistic expectations of oneself that present themselves in the form of a suffocating anxiety you are not in control of?

We live in a world where words are subjective, expectations are not what they are said to be, fulfillment is found in simplicity, the right thing is not what you understand to be right, and, in the end, when you close your eyes, next to the one true love of your life, you realise, life is who is in it, not what you do to live it.

Stay Within The Lines – Day One

A new age, a new dawn, I feel old, I look old, this last week has aged me I think. Onward and upward, let’s spend this journey together, my new life, my new something. Let’s see where I find myself at the end of it all.

A clean start, I don’t remember the last time I shaved properly, I was younger, less, depleted, empty, but, it’s a starting point.

This is day one of unemployment. It’s been twenty something years since I’ve been in this position, wow, is it true, is reality finally here? Obviously.

What does my future hold? That’s what we are going to find out, together through this blog, each day, each step, and a candid photo of me, let’s see if I can look back and not know that face looking back at us all above.

For in the darkness, in the silence, it lives, it breeds contempt for all we are, all we will ever be, do we strive to let it win, or do we challenge it’s existence, and replace it with our own?