Twisted Roads – Twisted Horror Stories by Matthew Tonks

Mundane

They both sit staring at the glass silently. Carter furrows his brow, grips his chin with a hand, and begins to make a clicking sound with his tongue. Moments later, he starts to whistle before finally stretching and letting out a very loud yawn.

“SO,” he says loudly. “What the fuck are we doing?”

Robbo looks up at him, his face perplexed, as he gestures at the glass and lets out a groan. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“Okay, Carter, sure. I mean, I KNOW what we’re doing, but I mean, what ARE WE doing?”

Carter stands up and gestures to the glass once more, his frustration evident. “The glass, man, we’re looking at the fucking glass, nothing else, just the glass!”

“You say that, and look, don’t take this the wrong way, because, dude, I don’t want to sound like an idiot or anything. But we’re not really looking at the glass, are we?”

“Holy shit, Robbo, I mean, HOLY FUCKING SHIT! Of course we’re NOT looking at the FUCKING glass! I know that! You know that! We BOTH FUCKING KNOW THAT!” he yells, slamming his now-clenched hands onto the table, causing the glass to jump into the air, where time itself seems to stand still for a few seconds before it lands back down with a splash and a thunk onto the table. “But it’s what’s in the glass, man, it’s WHAT’S IN the glass!”

“Well, what are we going to do about it then? I mean, we can’t sit here all day. Actually, dude, let me say it another way because that didn’t come out the way I wanted it to, I WON’T sit here all bloody day!”

“Then answer my question, what the hell should we do? I mean, who the hell do you call for something like this?” Carter says, throwing his hands in the air.

“Call the fucking water company, man! Tell them what the fuck’s going on, and then let’s get the hell out of here and do something!” Robbo says.

“What? What the fuck am I supposed to tell them? Huh? What in the goddamn HELL am I supposed to say?”

Robbo looks down at the glass and then quickly up at Carter as his mind races. “T-T-Tell them, tell the fuckers they need to start counting their employees’ teeth, because some son-of-a-bitch lost one, and it came out our tap!”