Twisted Roads – Twisted Horror Stories by Matthew Tonks

Heart

“I’ll rip you’re heart from you’re fucking chest if you don’t let me go!” he yells, spit flying from his mouth, but she only laughs, as she slowly walks around the cage that holds him.

“You are in no postilion to make threats, Maynard, it is I who hold power, not you!”

“Don….” The scene freezes, and she walks into the room, you know, the young perky type, tight arse, ample cleavage, glossy lips, the substitute teacher, the one who belongs in the pages of Playboy, not in front of a class, unless it’s practical day in sex ed. She struts into the room, clipboard in hand, looking hotter than the warmest day in summer, coming to a stop a few feet before them, she looks over her notes, before glancing up towards me, looking over the rim of her glasses, and lets out a sigh.

“Well, this is totally unacceptable. When I first noticed the issues, I had hoped being a card-carrying member of the guild, you would’ve picked them up straight away, corrected them, and continued on, before posting this, simplistic, generic set-up of a story,” she says, I look at her perplexed, and then at the words on the screen, and swallow.

“W-W-What is this?” I ask.

“This, this is an injunction.”

“An injunction? W-Why?”

“Why? Dare you ask me that? Look at what you’ve done! As a member of the guild, you are to maintain certain levels of professionalism, which this pathetic short does not meet. Let’s examine it, so I can show you your mistakes.”

“Whoa there, lady. I don’t need you to come in here while I’m in the middle of telling a story and tell me how I should be doing things. So why do—”

“YOU will sit down, and you WILL be quiet, as this is not a discussion about if we have a discussion. This is a counselling session because this story is a hit and run—one you tried to run away from. But that will not happen, not while I AM here. So, you must take your punishment, you must understand your guilt, and you will learn from the mistakes you have made. Now, sit down!” I’ve got to admit, the bitch is making me nervous, so I’ll sit down for now and let her have her little moment in the sun….

“Stop it. This is not your space anymore. You lost that ability when you disobeyed basic rules. Rules are in place to make a sentence not only work but to make an impact, for it to be perfection, not sloppy trash like you have done here. As a card-carrying member, you should know that!”

“Hey, I paid my dues, my costs, I did it all. So why don’t you get the fuck out of my story! Anyway, I was never told that some wet dream I had when I was thirteen while I was learning to masturbate would come here, to my story, and try to tell me what I’ve done wrong when I can clearly see what it is.”

“Clearly, you didn’t read the fine print of your membership, but let’s move on to the important things—like your fifty-word story,” she says, looking back down at her clipboard.

“‘I’ll rip you’re heart from you’re fucking chest if you don’t let me go!’ he yells, spit flying from his mouth, she laughs as she slowly walks around the cage that holds him.

“‘You are in no postilion to make threats, Maynard, it is I who hold power, not you!’”

She looks back up at me. “‘I’ll rip you’re heart from you’re fucking chest if you don’t let me go!’ Let’s start with that: you’re heart, you’re fucking chest. Do you see the problem? You are heart, you are fucking chest. Do you see now?”

“I see, okay, I fucking see. I know, both of them should’ve been your, not you’re, but—”

“No excuses! These mistakes are fundamental mistakes, amateur even, and being a member of the guild, amateur mistakes like this should never happen. But let me continue, because there’s more,” she says, readjusting her glasses and looking back down at the clipboard. “‘You are in no postilion to make threats, Maynard. It is I who hold power, not you!’ This was your opportunity to use you’re right here, but you failed to. Then you incorrectly spelt position, before topping off the sentence with ‘it is I who hold power,’ where if you had turned you are into you’re, you could’ve said ‘it is I who hold the power,’ which would’ve worked. Overall, you have failed this day more than any other day, and it is the guild’s decision that your license be suspended for the next three months. During that time, you’re not permitted to release, write, or engage in any activity that would call into question the professionalism of the guild. This judgment is to take place immediately.”