Day 116 – Eyes – 50 Word Story Expanded

“I swear to whatever you hold dear, I’ll kill them all, every fucking single one of them, starting with this bitch. So just try me you slack jawed mother fucker! Now put the fucking gun down!” he yells as he digs the blade into her throat, she lets out a small groan of pain, as a thin flow of blood runs from the knifes edge, quickly he places the revolver onto the ground. He looks up into her eyes, and clenches his fists together in anger. “Slide it towards me and then step back or I’ll slice her from ear to ear hero!” he yells, he quickly obeys and they lock eyes, he feels the hate well up in his stomach, as it burns through him like a hot poker, this maniac has finally pushed his button.

“I’ve done what you asked, now let her go, this is about you and me, she doesn’t need to suffer, none of them do!”

He laughs as he digs the blade in again, harder this time, her skins elasticity begins to give way, and a heaver stream of blood runs from its edge, “You think you’re so fucking big, like this is all about you. But really, I couldn’t give a good god damn fuck about you and your precious little ego. This is about me, this is about what I want to show the world, so why don’t you stop trying to be a hero and accept the fact that you’re nothing, a side note on my list of kills, a zero, just like all the rest.”

“That’s bullshit Stuart, and you know it! Why do all this, why play with me if I’m not some big fish in your little pond? Let everyone go, this doesn’t need to be anything more than it is, just take me.”

“You think I was playing with you?” he says, laughing again, louder this time. “You, you are one funny son of a bitch. Your nothing but a distraction, a magic trick, you’re my sleight of hand, while Sally here, well I hate to drop the curtain and reveal how the trick was done, but she’s a main course, a bona fide target, who you just happened to be in the way of.”


“What? You didn’t know about Sally and me? You didn’t know she knew the answers you so longed for? Or did you simply not pay any attention to her when she tried to tell you?”

“But, I-I-I…”

“But you did nothing you stupid fuck, this was all about being here, getting what I wanted, not you, I couldn’t give a fuck if you found me or not. I just wanted Sally, and if it meant having to deal with super hero cop Harry Kellerman, then I would, and I have. Don’t you see? I played your ego so well that you didn’t even think she was in danger, when all along that’s what I wa….” He doesn’t get to finish his sentence as three shots rip into his chest and he slumps forward on top of her, the gun tumbles out of Sally’s hand as she gasps for air, his blood quickly beings to form a thick, warm, sticky pool beneath her. Harry rushes to her side, quickly pulling Stuarts body off of her, and tightly grips her into his arms, tears run down his face, he pulls her back and nervously brushes her hair away as they stare into each other’s eyes.

“Is it over?” She asks.

“It’s over thanks to you, now rest up, you’ll be okay,” he says as he runs a hand through her blood soaked hair, she laughs softly.

“You still haven’t got this lying thing down yet, your eyes give it away,” she says, closing her eyes.

“I’m so sorry, I should’ve listened to you, I should’ve realised what was happening, it won’t happen again, it’ll never happen again, I swear, you’re all that matters, you’re everything.” He says as he hugs her again.

“It’s okay, he always knew how to manipulate people’s perceptions, play to th..”

“In other words, I’m not that stupid,” Stuart says as he grabs Harry by the hair and pulls his head back, slicing the knife across his throat, he grabs at it, clutching for air, as blood sprays out though his hand’s like a busted water pipe, and Sally screams as she stares into Harry’s eyes, his blood washing across her face, and she can, as always, see the truth hiding behind his lies in his eyes.



You can read the original 50 Word Story here, I’d be interested in what you think of the full story that came from the short.

16 Replies to “Day 116 – Eyes – 50 Word Story Expanded”

  1. Haha, gore is your middle name.
    I loved the first version of this, love this too. They kind of stand alone. What I like about flash fiction in general is that most of the story is left to the reader. I had a much less gory picture in my head from the first version. You give enough without getting in the way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha, thanks, I wasn’t really sure where the full story was going to go, or where the original 50 word story would fit. I was sure it was more of an ending, but somehow it was more of a fake ending, that surprised me. I was happy with the final version, it did, in a way separate itself from the original, I guess having a lead in controlled it, took away the imaginations control of how they ended up there. Thanks again 👍

      Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s really brilliant, how you describe your killing scenes with such ardor. The second part was as captivating as the first part. Your a master in the thriller genre.

    Liked by 1 person

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