The knife tears into his stomach and he screams out in pain, “Does it hurt?” She asks, gripping him by the face, then begins to greedily lick up the tears that run down his cheeks, before shoving him backwards and laughing as he crashes to the ground in a heap.
Keep an eye out for the 50 Word Story Extended version, or, if you’re feeling game, try to extend it yourself…..
I like this! I found your sentence structure here: “She asks, gripping him by the face, she begins…” a little off-putting though, kind of like you needed a full stop or another strong punctuation mark in there to break it up. But I’m looking forward to seeing the extended version! 🙂
I agree, and I think I know how to fix it, maybe the wording is wrong.
Replace she with then, I think it flows better.
I’m intrigued! 🙂
Me too 😆
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