Tag: schizophrenia

She transcends the meaningful loneliness, she matters in the endless nothingness, her tears give life to the emptiness, her smile spreads an eternal happiness, she says my emptiness is killing her, she says my dreams were never hers, whispered words in a silence drenched in darkness, malformed ignorance conceived through gluttony, a frontier of finality, a forever future not to become, time is now not a matter of itself, but an inevitability bathed in the essence of humanity, she transcended the meaningful loneliness, she mattered in the endless nothingness, her tears gave life to the emptiness, her smile spread an eternal happiness, she said my emptiness was killing her, she said my dream was never hers….

Peanut butter sandwiches and orange juice smoothies, the smell of fresh-cut grass, blue skies and the warmth of the sun, self-sacrificing bastards living life for too long, drowning beneath the waves of unimportance, clutching wildly at whatever moves on the other side, wanting, needed, desperately seeking something, justice, damnation, self-gratification, let the carnage begin as I reshape the world in my image, through my eyes, by my hand, with my voice, this world will be a new kind of hell, gone will be the light, dead will be the grass, rotting food, putrid milk, a world without forgiveness, my blade soaked in the blood of all, for the queen will soon be silenced as the princess makes her move..

Feel the pulsating energy that courses through with every beat, feel the essence of all I am fall at your feet, give me a purpose that allows me to fight, give me an identity to survive this night, wishful thinking derailed this train, delusion of unreality revolving around in my brain, your brazen attitude lost on the meek, destiny uncertain for it’s  purpose we seek, divine right given without remorse, a child of the lord, a sinner of the people, the divinity, the apology of mankind to a great god, her hair raven, her eyes red, this world a disease, mankind’s future dead..

Slide between the silence, edge closer to the centre of the nevermore, forget the forgiveness you once begged for and find salvation in a new lie, for a lie that is not yours needs no concentration, buy into the fickle words with all your heart, confirm to the masses that the words are true, believe regardless of true worth, pass on your faith, grow together with those of similar ilk, but beware the final damnation that waits for you on the other side, for your journey has so many steps left for you to reach its end…

Self styled impurities signifying ones own self-worth, used dramatically by others as a service for ridicule by those who cast themselves as the judgment makers, pathetic whelps who congregate with others of like stature to incoherently worship ones selflessness while at the same time stripping the people they pose to protect of everything that is theirs, signatures on worthless documents mean nothing if those upholding the supposed laws live outside them, invent a new machine, then break it again, because humanity feeds off its own pathetic self, slavery sanctified, pittance personified, a regimented silence forced without retribution or discussion, suffocating sickness beneath the oncoming darkness of a tomorrow written in the ashes of an already broken today…

I can feel my heart stop beating, I can feel the ending taking over, the world erasing my existence, my tired skin falling from the dead muscle, the separation of what was to what is, a journey of resurrection, of a life I never earned to right to call my own and a death saturated in the pleasure of another, I was never a saint, I lived with my sins, I deserved better than I gave, yet I lived as I was and died because of it, fabricate my existence into a memory of unintentional mistakes lost in the placebo of a tomorrow that will never come

From the tips of my fingers to the soles of my feet I feel you eating away at all I am, twisting yourself inside me, trying to overcome and become me, thrusting with each movement, clutching at everything with each thrust, tearing your way inside, becoming something new, wearing me like a suit made of flesh, wearing me like the fool I’ve became, twisting yourself inside me, forcing all I’ve ever been out into the light of day, subjecting me to a revolution beneath my skin, showing the world, showing myself who I am when all the noise of this world goes away..

Reverberated images lost in the erratic nothingness of perpetually rearranging characters that never have real names only incoherent roles that are never defined, regardless of intention there is no attention to detail as this twisted mind continues its downward spiral into a world only it can truly understand, masks worn not out of choice cut out of necessity because this is the only thing that remains of who or what you are, a disgruntled voice in the darkness of a nevermore that shows no forgiveness, languish in this copy of a world you will never know for in its shape filled curves I am YOUR KING!

Wickedness was a thing hidden from my self, twisting and turning inside my own head, days turned into weeks as I played by their rules, while my inner self stewed in juices created by mankind’s stiffening salvation, it wasn’t until I questioned the silence as I lay dying did I find out the answer to all of my questions, the answer to my fate, salvation was not ours to be given nor earned, salvation was a word created by a jealous child punished by the only parent they ever knew, we stand in this place, we created our own rules, we created our own delusions, we created our own misery, this life was, this misery was of our creation, this life was, these self suffering rules were of our own retains, this life was, this life was never meant to be, was never meant to be, never meant to be, meant to be! MEANT TO BE!

The darkness keeps invading, this room it seems so tiny, everything I thought was my life, turned out to be someone’s lies, filtering through the pages of domestic bliss, while secretly I was becoming someone else, masking my true identity, in the meat suit I once called my own, white picket fences, half full glasses, the reflection in a broken mirror, a reflection no longer me, faded fortunes lost in this sea of misery, a window once open now closed, a pittance for my sins, a memory told by those who once called me friend, faded words once so bright, my self a victim of my own lies, white picket fences, half full glasses, the reflection in a broken mirror, a reflection no longer me, white picket fences, half full glasses, a reflection no longer mine, a broken mirror have I become, a reflection of who I once could’ve been, a broken mirror is me!

My monster shows me no peace, slithering around in its meat suit I call mine, it faces my world with zero compassion, it tears holes in my life with vigorous obsession, deep inside it dwells, tightly gripping all that makes me who I am, manipulating my movements, twisted my view, showing me a vision of a world that is not true, its darkness, its hold, its story to be told, a venture, a quest, into the bowels of hell would be go, no hope, no surrender, no victory to behold, a beast that cannot die, a will that cannot be stopped, from the beginning to the end and beyond will this creature, this demon, this devil of an angel will forever be

Poor twisted me, poor twisted you, carved my name on the insides of your brain, cut the flesh with little to no care, serendipitously malfunctioning through each twisted moment into the next, surrounding, surrendering, suffocating everything that was and could be, flimsy facts lost in the night, like an eighties saxophone moment in a soft rock anthem, languishing beneath an ending already written, poor twisted me, poor twisted you, carved my name inside your brain, forced myself upon a frail version of who you thought you were, taste my seed as it impregnates your insides, for while your body withers away, my being grows, poor twisted me, poor twisted you….

The wicked man loses sight of all the in-between that slowly slips away and instead focuses his hate on the failings of all a twisted flower before him, slowly the flower wilt as the man wickedly scolds the dying plant with all his sickly sins, forcing the flower to burden itself with his undoings as it battles for life, but with no sun or water it slowly falls within itself as the twisted mans hate burns a new level of disgust into the flowers once beautiful form, then, as it takes its last moment the man so wicked curses it once more with his hate, for he never deserved the flower so grand, but his hate, his jealousy, proclaimed across the skies that neither could any other, and then he left, looking for a new flower to suffocate, that wicked man with no remorse…

Subtle hits of salt and vinegar explore my nose as my hands drive flesh beneath my nails, sunlight burns like the heart of a flame while destiny sings its wicked song, acrobatic humanoids dance with skill, balancing on rope across the sky, scissors without remorse powerfully cut the rope into separate strands like hair, slowly death drags them downward, as graceful dainty fingers clutch desperately at the air, dissolving into nothingness as bones snap through flesh, tearing, ripping, screaming, followed by silence before the crowd erupts into wild cheers of excitement, turn slowly they disappear back to where they come and the tent comes down as the show moves onto the next town, looking for its next victims, looking for the next sacrificial sacrifice upon the altar of immortality it so desperately seeks…..

Happiness in a divided regurgitation, splatterEd across the floors of sarcasm, while the flag of disgust flies proudly from the throbbing erection of what was and will never be, throw the wind of never could into the vast emptiness of vivid dreams and see what births, seclusion of the wicked, inclusion of the bold, foresee patterns of violence, foresee an ending in blood, divine endings, stories be told, a religious proclamation, a new god is born from the scars across my chest, reverberate the silence as I slash the glass across my flesh, feel my power, feel it drain beneath my feet, as a river grows to wash everyone away…

Secluded signs masked in a battery of hate and shit, misshapen scars beneath the flesh that wraps around my tired bones, liberal explanations given for a lie that was far from perfect, satisfaction be damned in this insignificant proclamation of whimsical variations, signs shorn in the flesh with blades of steel, forgive the turbulent journey, let the seal release as the door beneath is given tenure, and the new suffering is identified, for though this flaccid flesh lingering morsel may be what has escape into the next chamber, it is far from what will remain after…

Within the withered thing I call myself, I am a lost shadow of nothingness, broken in the forever of a loneliness created by self, as the river of dreams lost drowns me beneath the hate of my own insecurities, scream upon deaf ears, cry with eyes filled with empty tears, hate within the hate of simplistic hate, fear words with greater hesitation, sin for those that hold no power over their own desires, crave an opening, drain the completeness, take back what is broken, see the signal, dine upon tonight…

Subliminal messages burrowing in my brain, circulating around and around like wasps at a child’s birthday party, violent upheavals discrimination nothing selfishly subtracted from the sins of a dying breath, scream subsequently at the darkness as it slithers it’s horrible hand into your nether regions, suffering times the departure of my existence, resend, rewind, request a forgiveness of time stolen by the lonely serpent that swallowed all I was as the world ended…

Stuck like a fly within the spider’s web, discolouration between the purples and reds, dissecting the words that were said, hating the images that dance in my head, violations of my imagination, an impurity inbreed, seclusion, delusions, words unsaid, a dance, a movement, simplicity of the undead, let the shadows rise as the daylight falls, insanity, madness, we fear them all, hidden within my schizophrenia is my sanity, my self, my child like soul, forgiveness within reach, but lies told by all…

Fight! Fight! Fight! Tear the flesh away as you reveal the hidden thing beneath the skin, a monster who’s here only for me, awash in the blood of a wasted life, can’t you see, this is me, standing before you with arms open wide, free from decades of malfunctioning binds, projecting my image across the skies, masking my truths in your lies, painting messages across the empty walls of your mind, leaving my mark across your face, can’t you see, this is me, standing before you with a knife in my hand, can’t you see, this is me, wanting to take back what you have taken from me, can’t you see, can’t you see, this was me, this was my forever, this is my knife, this was yours life, because this is a fight! Fight! Fight! This is a fight! Fight! Fight!