Tag: wickeness

“I never spoke to anyone else about what you did, I swear, I told them what you wanted me to tell them and nothing else. I SWEAR!” Fergus spits with envious eyes through desperate lips.

Nick smiles allows a stifled laugh to escape his throat, “I know it wasn’t you, that’s why you’re still breathing my main man.”

“T-T-Then why d-d-did you bring me here?”

The smile on Nick’s lips broadens, and a grander laugh escapes his clutches this time. “Because I know you know who did.”

“N-N-No, no I don’t,” Fergus stammers nervously.

“That’s a LIE, because Susie told me otherwise!” Nick snarls as he grabs Fergus by the arm and drives the blade of a knife with a candy cane handle into the back of his hands, pinning it to the table between them.

“I-I-I, I SWEAR IT’S NOT! SHE’S LYING! I SWEAR I DON’T KNOW! SHE’S LYING! ASK HER AGAIN!”

“She has no more REASONS to lie, nothing left to hide, in those final moments.” he says with a wicked grin on his face while he nods towards the knife.

Fergus’ eyes widen in terror as noticed he congealed red liquid that covers the knife, before he stares up towards Nick’s smug face. “Y-Y-You killed h-her? B-B-But she didn’t k-know anything! S-S-She didn’t KNOW!” he spits frantically.

“I know,” Nick seethes with a satisfied sigh. “But I disputed you did, and now I know without a shadow of a doubt you do. So tell me, who betrayed my trust? Who spoiled my secret?”

“Y-Y-You killed her o-on a HUNCH! W-W-What if y-your h-hunch were w-wrong? What i-if I d-didn’t know? W-W-What if s-she lied?”

Nick’s smile widens until it reaches from ear to ear beneath his unkempt scraggly white beard. “You always forget about the list, don’t you Fergus? I checked it once, then I checked it twice, and this year I even checked it thrice just to be sure,” he says with a twinkle in his eyes, “And wouldn’t you know it Fergus, wouldn’t you dare, for each time I checked it, it told me the same thing in stereo, you and Susie, you both made my naughty list. I was shocked, and I was disappointed, for never has two of my most trusted humans ever made it on my NAUGHTY list, but you two, you two both were on there, bad eggs it said, b..”

“YOUR LIST IS A SHAM, AND THE RULES THAT GOVERN IT ARE OUTDATED! PARENTS AROUND THE WORLD BUY THEIR KIDS WHATEVER THEY ASK FOR, REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU FUCKING LIST SAYS! SO DON’T RECIT YOUR LIST AS IF IT THEY ACRUALL MATTER!”

The grin upon Nick’s lips fades, and his brow furrows beneath the red stocking cap that clutches tightly to his skull. “My list is not a SHAM! MY list is the only LIST that MATTERS, and it says you are NAUGHTY, so naughty you MUST BE!” he growls as he leans in towards Fergus, blocking out all the light with his immense form. “NOW, tell me the names of those who have challenged my reign? Tell me who thinks they can take Christmas away from Nick Claus?”

“Y-Y-YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE ME! Y-Y-YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE ME!” Fergus bellows.

“Try me!” Nick growls. “Try me and see!”

“I-I-IT’S YOU NICK! I-I-IT’S ALWAYS BEEN YOU! NO ONE ELSE WANT’S TO OWN CHRISTMAS AS MUCH AS YOU DO!”

Nick’s face drops, and he looks at Fergus in confusion. “W-W-What the devil d-d-do you mean it was me? H-H-How could it be me?”

“The same way you manage to deliver present to all the house across the world in one night.”

“OH MY GOD! T-T-The c-clones?” Nick stammers as he fells the sharp end of a blade dig into his back, followed by the warmth of his attacker’s breath on the back of his neck.

“HO-HO-HO!” a voice sings sarcastically into his ear as the darkness drags him down.

***

Follow the below link to purchase A Twistedly Jolly Christmas 2022 and read all 31 five minute short stories.

Before you lies a piece of a puzzle far grander than you could ever know or imagine. For scrawled in blood upon the pages hidden within the above tome is stories twisted thirty-one in all, soaked in the embers of my insanity. Five minutes to glimpse inside the eyes of someone new, five minutes to answer, five minutes to sin, five minutes to do almost anything. A god, a demon, a harlot, a whore. A fascist, a killer, a sinner, a door. Death and division, humanity askew. A belfry of bats, a sea of black cats, so many moments out there to see, so many things you could see with me. So take a seat beside me and call it voodoo, because now you ride with me too…

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The last breath leaves Clifford’s body, and the room falls silent, as all eyes turn towards the floor, and nay the sound of those in attendance breathing is all that fills the room. But for Clifford, it is a whole different world that is thrust at his feet.
He falls through the air at a rate of knots unfathomable, and then with the impact that should spread his innards to his outs, he hits the hardened earth with a thump. Wearily he pulls his undamaged form from the ground and looks around with eyes full of horror.
“W-W-W-What have I-I-I, I done t-t-to d-deserve this?” he stammers through parched lips.
“Where do you want me to start, with the WHORE you fucked, stabbed and robbed in New Ham, or was it that time you masturbated to you mum sucking your best friend Carl’s dick the night you came back from college, or maybe it was when you took her yourself later that night, in the dark, pretending to Carl! Are those enough to see fit your place in this sinful realm, or do you wish for me to spill more?”
“I-I-I, I n-n-neve…”
“DON’T LIE TO ME CLIFFORD, FOR I AM THE KING OF ALL THAT IS, AND IS NOT! FOR YOU SEE, A LIE HERE WILL COST YOU SEVERAL LIFETIMES OF PAIN, OF COUSE THE TRUTH DOES THE SAME!” a naked red fleshed figure snarls as it strides before him, its twelve-inch cock pulsating, while milk drips from the nipples of its enormous breasts.
“W-W-W-WHAT ARE Y-YOU!” Clifford screams as he scrambles away, his eyes wide, his flesh pale and cold.
He smiles and licks his lips with a forked tongue. “Are we both going to play this game, or can we move on to the next part of your eternal punishment?”
“I-I-I, I d-d-don’t de…”
“LIAR!” it bellows as it grips Clifford by the skull and lifts him into the air. “YOU ARE A GREEDY, SINFUL LITTLE MAN. A WEED IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN, WHO STUCK HIS LIMP DICK INTO HIS OWN MOTHER AND IMPREGNATED HER WITH HIS DARK FUCKED UP SEED! YOU VIOLATED THAT WHICH WAS WRITTEN BY HE WHO GOVERNED IT ALL, AND NOW, NOW YOU MUST PAY THE PRICE FOR THAT AND ALL THE OTHER SINS YOU COLLECTED DURING YOUR ROTTEN LIFE!” it bellows as his thrusts a clawed hand high into the air and brings it down towards the screaming Clifford. But before the hand hits, the world is going and he is sitting in a pale room, across from a old man who stares at him blankly.
“Hello Clifford, I’ve been waiting for you,” the old man says with a long-winded sigh.
“A-A-Are you G-G-God?” Clifford stammers.
The man smiles broadly and nods his head with proud gusto. “No,” he says as he beings shaking his head. “I am not God.”
“T-T-Then where am I-I if y-you’re not God?”
The old man shrugs his shoulder. “FUCKED if I know, I was just asked to wait here for you. I was hoping you’d be able to tell me what the HELL I was doing here, not the other way around.”
Clifford blinks several times, before the old man bursts out laughing, slapping his thighs with excited jubilation. “JUST KIDDING! OF COURSE I’M GOD! WHO ELSE WOULD I BE, IF I WASN’T GOD!” the old man roars with laughter.
“T-T-Thank G-G-God,” Clifford sighs as he falls back in the seat. “F-F-For a minute there I thought you were the other guy trying to t-trick me.”
The smile drops from the old man’s lips, and he stares at Clifford deathly. “So it worked then,” he says as the red fleshed creature tears out of the little man’s form, grabs Lifford by the skull, and swallows him whole. “Gestate on that for a while mamma’s boy, and we’ll pick up in a century or two,” it says with a heartly laugh, while Clifford screams in terror as he slides ever downwards, towards his never ever end.

***

Follow the below link to purchase A Twistedly Jolly Christmas 2022 and read all 31 five minute short stories.

Before you lies a piece of a puzzle far grander than you could ever know or imagine. For scrawled in blood upon the pages hidden within the above tome is stories twisted thirty-one in all, soaked in the embers of my insanity. Five minutes to glimpse inside the eyes of someone new, five minutes to answer, five minutes to sin, five minutes to do almost anything. A god, a demon, a harlot, a whore. A fascist, a killer, a sinner, a door. Death and division, humanity askew. A belfry of bats, a sea of black cats, so many moments out there to see, so many things you could see with me. So take a seat beside me and call it voodoo, because now you ride with me too…

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“I can’t believe that’s what it truly is, I mean, if they’re real what else is?” he asks as he turns back and looks at the others in a perplexed manner.

“Daddy said your imagination is only as strong as your belief, and if you believe enough, anything is possible.”

Patrick rolls his eyes and sighs loudly. “Clare, don’t take this the wrong way, but your Daddy is a complete moron, and he’d say anything to keep you asking too many questions.”

“W-W-What does that mean?” she cries as she turns to her father with wide doughy dog eyes.

He casts a wayward glance over to Patrick, and sneers. “Yeah, little brother, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?”

Patrick puts his hands in the air and smiles nervously. “Calm the FUCK down bro, I-I, I was just pulling your leg is all.” he says as he sheepishly turns back to Clare. “I was joking honey, your dad, your dad is one of the smartest men I know, and that’s why I like to joke about him every now and then, because it makes me feel smarter,” he says with a soft smile, as he throws his brother a quick glance and winks at him sarcastically.

“Look, can we stop trying to win that coveted retarted family of the year award, and focus on the real problem at hand!” Selena spits from the doorway.

“Why don’t you get over here and say that, instead of standing in the doorway like some loser with no friends,” Patrick says proudly.

“I’d rather have no friends and be alive, than be you and dead.”

“Ouch, I see your wife still dislikes me.”

“No one likes you Patrick, it’s why I moved halfway around the world after mum and dad died, but you FUCKING followed me here, didn’t you?”

“SHIT STANLEY! I suddenly feel like this has turned into a everyone hates Patrick party, and I’m the guest of honour who wasn’t invited!”

“I don’t hate you Uncle Patrick, you’re the most bestest uncle in the whole entire world,” Clare says with a beaming smile across her face as she tugs on his shirt corner.

He smiles softly and gives her a wink. “Thanks muffin top, I knew I could count on you, even if I am your only uncle.”

“ARE WE DONE!” Selena bellows from the doorway once more. “ARE WE ALL HAPPY AND CONTENT NOW?”

“I don’t know, are there blow jobs later on?”

“What the FUCK?” Stanley seethes as he guides Clare out of the way and shapes himself up to his brother.

“Hey big guy calm down, I’m only asking for a friend, honestly!” he says as he gives Stanley a wink while a sly smile draws itself across his face. Without hesitation Stanley drives a well-placed punch into Patrick’s kidney, sending him stumbling across the room.

“GIVE ME ONE MORE REASON! JUST ONE AND I’LL GIVE YOU THAT BEATING I ALWAYS PROMISED YOU!” Stanley growls.

“FOR GOD’S SAKE STOP FIGHTING AND LOOK AT THE WALL! SOMETHINGS MOVING!” Selena screams, as everyone’s attention turns back to the crudely constructed nest that sits up in the topmost corner of the wall.

Clare’s eyes widen and a huge smile adorns her face. “SEE! SEE! I TOLD YOU IT WAS WHERE HEATHER LIVED!” she cries as the small toylike Christmas elf craws out of the hole and stares down at the group, then bares rows of razor-sharp teeth and leaps towards them, followed by several hundred smaller ones that crawl out of the nest behind her.

***

Follow the below link to purchase A Twistedly Jolly Christmas 2021 and read all 31 five minute short stories.

Before you lies a piece of a puzzle far grander than you could ever know or imagine. For scrawled in blood upon the pages hidden within the above tome is stories twisted thirty-one in all, soaked in the embers of my insanity. Five minutes to glimpse inside the eyes of someone new, five minutes to answer, five minutes to sin, five minutes to do almost anything. A god, a demon, a harlot, a whore. A fascist, a killer, a sinner, a door. Death and division, humanity askew. A belfry of bats, a sea of black cats, so many moments out there to see, so many things you could see with me. So take a seat beside me and call it voodoo, because now you ride with me too…

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Trevor looks out over the golden hills and takes a gently sip on the warm cup of coffee that he cradles tightly in his hands. A flock of bird’s swim past in the bright blue sky, singing a song that you would believe was recorded in a studio, rather than being constructed before your eyes. He allows a smile to wrap itself across his puckered lips, and sighs contently as he leans back into his multicolored deck chair.
A chime calls out from within the small cottage, and he pulls himself to his feet with jovial excitement, dancing his way across the deck, and into the small open planned kitchen, where several pots boil on the stove top. He whistles contently to himself as he moves his way from one pot to the next, wafting the aromas of the pot’s contents into his face with a several waves of his hands. With a broad smile he pulls a spoon from the pocket of his jacket and scoops up a small serve that he thrusts straight into his mouth.
“Perfect!” he announces proudly as he stashes the spoon back into the pocket and grabs a towel as he pulls the door of the oven open. He leans in and takes a long deep breath in, almost stripping the flesh from the browning bird that bakes in a stew of juices, oils, and cloves. He licks his lips and pokes the flesh with a pronged fork, then shakes his head as he takes a step back and closes the door once more.
“Not yet, not yet.” he hums as he pats the sweat from his face, and dances around the room once more.
A sudden knock on a door that appears at the other end of the lounge area interrupts his dancing and brings him to a stop. For seconds he stands there, his eyes transfixed on the strange doorway, several more knocks are thrust against the door which send him jumping from the ground and staggering clumsily backwards in fright.
“TREVOR!” a voice calls out. “TREVOR, I NEED YOU TO OPEN THE DOOR!”
“W-W-W-WHO A-ARE YOU?” Trevor nervously cries. “I-I-I, I WAS T-TOLD THERE W-WOULDN’T BE A-ANY I-INTERUPPTUONS!”
“YES, YES! I KNOW THAT WAS WHAT YOU WERE TOLD, BUT THINGS HAVE CHANGED TREVOR, THINGS HAVE EVOLVED. WE TRIED CALLING YOU, SEVERAL TIMES IN FACT, BUT YOU NEVER ANSWERED THE PHONE.”
Trevor’s eyes quickly glance over to the pile of destroyed phones in the corner. “I-I-I, I NEVER HEARD THE PHONE RING!” he answers with a high-pitched cry.
“YOU DIDN’T GET OUT LETTERS?”
“N-N-NO! I-I, I NEVER GOT THOSE EITHER!” Trevor calls out, as he looks over at several stacks of letters that are tightly bound into bundles in another corner of the room.
“Well, that is unusual, isn’t it, I delivered most of the letters myself,” the figure says from behind him, causing Trevor to scream out in terror, as he scrambles away in panic.
“W-W-WHAT DO YOU WANT!” Trevor bellows as he holds his forms a cross with two fingers and holds them up towards the figure.
“Really? Do you think that is going to send me on my way?” the figure asks, as he looks over the crude cross and into Trevor’s petrified eyes.
“I-I-I, I don’t k-know! I-I, I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE! I-I-I, I JUST WANT TO BE B-BY MYSELF!”
The figure sighs loudly. “You and everyone else, you and everyone else.” he says as a gentle smile paints itself across his lips. “But times are a changing Trevor, the youth of today are telling us the old model has to change with the times, we have to be for everyone without exception. I know Dad was against it all, the old sod was stubborn until the end, but the end indeed did come, and now it falls on me to shape Heaven into something we can all enjoy, something we can all call home.” Jesus says proudly.

***

Follow the below link to purchase A Twistedly Jolly Christmas 2022 and read all 31 five minute short stories.

Before you lies a piece of a puzzle far grander than you could ever know or imagine. For scrawled in blood upon the pages hidden within the above tome is stories twisted thirty-one in all, soaked in the embers of my insanity. Five minutes to glimpse inside the eyes of someone new, five minutes to answer, five minutes to sin, five minutes to do almost anything. A god, a demon, a harlot, a whore. A fascist, a killer, a sinner, a door. Death and division, humanity askew. A belfry of bats, a sea of black cats, so many moments out there to see, so many things you could see with me. So take a seat beside me and call it voodoo, because now you ride with me too…

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“There was so many moments d-during all this t-t-that I truly thought I wouldn’t make it back home, b-b-back to you. I-I-I, I thought after risking everything and anything I had to a-along the way, i-it would e-ensure m-my destiny w-w-would bring m-me home. B-B-But,” he stammers as he looks towards the ground in awkward fashion, staring with wide sorrowful eyes at the ever-growing pool of blood, as it soaks into the wet earth beneath him.

She grips his hands tightly and squeezes them as she kneels beside him. “Don’t you see that to be true? Don’t you see the world before you! You did make it back! You made it all the way here on your own! You survived everything that this wicked world threw at you, and you made it home, you did everything you needed to, and you won!” she says as tears cascade down her cheeks.

He turns his gaze up towards her as a faint smile grows across his charred flesh. “I-I-I, I did, d-didn’t I? I m-made it h-home. I-I-I, I made it b-back t-to you, m-m-my beautiful.” he says softly as he tenses up like a spring that just snapped, and stares at her with a faraway gaze as his face twists and winds its way through several emotions all at once, and then his hands fall limp in hers. With panicked arms she pulls him up onto her lap and grips him tightly against her.

“P-P-Please STAY with me j-just a l-little longer! Y-Y-You made it thi-this far, y-y-you made it b-back to me! C-Can’t you spend a few moments longer, here, just you and I?”

His gaze turns back to hers, and he smiles wearily. “N-Nothing sounds s-so much b-better than that, a-and I-I, I wish I could, f-f-for I’d d-do anything f-for you. B-But I a-a-already gave everything I-I, I had to m-make it h-here, a-and now I-I-I, and now I-I, I know your safe, a-all I w-want to do i-is sleep,” he says softly as he closes his eyes.

“NO!” she screams as she shakes him violently. “YOU CAN’T COME BACK TO ME, JUST TO LEAVE ME AGAIN! YOU CAN’T!”

His eyes open as tears of red run down his cheeks, and he smiles once more, looking up into her wondrous eyes. “D-Do you th-think I’d come a-all thi-this way j-just to leave y-you again? I-I’m never going to leave your side, n-n-not now, n-not forever! T-That’s why I-I, I n-needed to make i-it home. T-That’s why I-I, I needed to m-make it b-back to y-you, even if it was o-only j-just t-to s-say go-goodbye…” he whispers through clenched teeth as he falls helplessly in her arms. For several silent moments she sits clutching his motionless body, and then her eyes widen in terror as his flesh dissolves away until all she is left cradling is the final remains of the man she loved, and as her tears splash against the cold metal frame of the tin soldier, she knows he will never truly leave her again.

***

Follow the below link to purchase A Twistedly Jolly Christmas 2021 and read all 31 five minute short stories.

Before you lies a piece of a puzzle far grander than you could ever know or imagine. For scrawled in blood upon the pages hidden within the above tome is stories twisted thirty-one in all, soaked in the embers of my insanity. Five minutes to glimpse inside the eyes of someone new, five minutes to answer, five minutes to sin, five minutes to do almost anything. A god, a demon, a harlot, a whore. A fascist, a killer, a sinner, a door. Death and division, humanity askew. A belfry of bats, a sea of black cats, so many moments out there to see, so many things you could see with me. So take a seat beside me and call it voodoo, because now you ride with me too…

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“D-Did you s-see it?” Salomon stammers as he looks back over to Debbie with wide wild eyes before looking back over to the doorway. “I-I-It’s t-t-there!” he adds as he points to the floorboards then looks back at Debbie once more.

She looks at him and smiles nervously as she shakes her head. “N-No, I don’t see anything, because nothings there.”

He leaps to his feet and thrusts his hands towards the vacant space before the doorway, glaring at her with a dumbfounded look upon his face. “Are you telling me you didn’t see t-t-that thing j-j-just then? I-It was r-right THERE, as plain a-as day!”

She shrugs her shoulders and twists her face as she squeezes her left eye closed. “Nope, sorry I didn’t see a thing, because nothing was there.”

He clenches his teeth and squeezes his hands into tightly bound fists, “BULL-FUCKING-SHIT!” he bellows as his face turns a bright shade of red seconds before he starts stamping his feet loudly into the floorboards. “HOW COULD YOU NOT FUCKING SEE IT! HOW COULD YOU NOT FUCKING NOTICE! IT WAS RIGHT FUCKING THERE!”

She holds her hands up in a semi defensive position, “Sal please, take a FUCKING chill pill dude. Whatever you saw, you were the only one to see it. So why don’t you sit the FUCK back down, and take a few moments to gather yourself, before I have to take matters into my own hand and slap some sense back into that thick head of yours!” she says sternly, digging her eyes into his. Seconds spawn into minutes as they stand locked in their interwoven contest, until Salomon eventually tears his eyes away, and casts a wayward glance towards the empty floorboards, before tossing himself back into his seat, gruffly crossing his arms across his chest as he does.

“Thank you,” she says with a soft smile.

“Whatever,” he quips back quickly.

“Is this how you’re going to be now? Because I’m still happy to give you a slap if you want one?”

“Isn’t it enough I SAT FUCKING DOWN? What do you want from me now? Do you want me to bow and curtsy? IS THAT IT!” he roars with a renewed vigour as he launches himself from his seat once again.

She puckers her lips up and lets out a stuttered sigh. “This is about your little imaginary friend, isn’t it?”

He stares at her with ever growing wide eyes while a tremor of uncontainable anger surges through him. “YES!” he roars.

“Fine,” she says as she throws her hands in the air, and stares at him intently.

For several seconds they sit in silence before he shrugs his shoulders and holds out his hands in confusion. “Fine what?”

She rolls her eyes in their sockets and sighs loudly once again. “I mean FINE, tell me about your BLOODY imaginary friend. But,” she says as she thrusts a pointing finger at him. “Once you tell me, you SHUT the FUCK up about it, Understood?”

His right eye twitches, and he sucks his cheeks in as he casts one final glance towards the doorway. “DONE!” he says with a nod of his head, as he holds out his hand to shake.

“Get that out of my face, and just tell me about your invisible mate!”

Salomon looks at his open hand, then wipes it down his front and awkwardly kneads the back of his neck. “I-It was right there, j-just sitting there watching us like some little voyeur. A-At first I-I didn’t know it was there, b-but then I saw it move in the corner of my eye. W-When I looked towards it, without looking, that’s when I saw it. B-But when I really looked, like REALLY looked, it wasn’t there, and that’s when I called out to you.” he says as he turns to the now pale Debbie. Beads of sweat pour from her brow, and as she stares at him with wide eyes, she awkwardly motions to her right, towards the rooms corner.

***

Follow the below link to purchase A Twistedly Jolly Christmas 2021 and read all 31 five minute short stories.

Before you lies a piece of a puzzle far grander than you could ever know or imagine. For scrawled in blood upon the pages hidden within the above tome is stories twisted thirty-one in all, soaked in the embers of my insanity. Five minutes to glimpse inside the eyes of someone new, five minutes to answer, five minutes to sin, five minutes to do almost anything. A god, a demon, a harlot, a whore. A fascist, a killer, a sinner, a door. Death and division, humanity askew. A belfry of bats, a sea of black cats, so many moments out there to see, so many things you could see with me. So take a seat beside me and call it voodoo, because now you ride with me too…

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press above to go and follow my Amazon Author Page

press above to go and keep up to date on book releases

The ball falls awkwardly from his hand and hits the ground with several loud, unmissable clangs and bangs, bringing all eyes upon the small group. At first they all stare without recognition of what they are staring at, but as they slowly process the sounds made by the falling ball, things form, things that fumble and tingle within their decaying minds, minds that start to build a shape of recognition, a recognition that explodes into fact as they surge forward as one towards them.

Corey casts a final fleeting glance towards Sally and Paul as he is swallowed whole by the horde. Without thought or focus, without care or comprehension, Sally lets out a stuttered cry of terror as the horde tear Corey limb from limb, feasting on him like a pack of wild animals. Then once more they stop in their very tracks, and all eyes shoot across the school ground, across the overgrown and unpopulated car park towards where she crouches. As their silence cuts the air like a butcher’s knife would a carcass, tears cascade down her cheeks as the sea of dead eyes stare at the petrified Sally while their diluted, watery brains try to comprehend what she is.

She screams in fright as Paul grips her by her jacket collar and tosses her behind him as he proudly steps forward, taking the stance of a rock and roll god who is in the mists of playing a powerful solo, raising his gatling gun towards the frozen field of decaying humanoids like it was his guitar. Then with a smarmy smile he gives Sally a wink and tightens his finger around the trigger, only to find nothing happening. He squeezes the trigger again and again without a result, as the horde begin to charge forward.

“LEAVE IT!” Sally screams as she grabs him by the arm, and tries to drag him away, but he twists and turns in all manner of direction, eventually freeing himself of her grip.

“Go, we don’t both have to die!” he says with a clumsily displayed smile.

“P-Please,” she sobs softly.

“GO!” he screams, desperation written over every square inch of his face as he shakes the gun around violently, hoping to somehow knock some semblance of sense into the idled weapon. He lets out a primeval scream, as he stares at the weapon with a panicked disbelief, as the horde draw ever closer. Suddenly his brow rises and the smile that had left his lips some moments ago, returns as he flips a switch.

“It was the fucking safety,” he says jovially as he turns towards the sea of crazed faces as they finally descend upon him, just as he tightens his fingers around the trigger once more. Like Moses parting the red sea, the gatling gun rips through the horde, but it is all too late, as he is engulfed by a thousand hands or more ripping at his flesh.

Sally clutches herself tightly as she looks down the hill, watching as the scavengers that have inherited this world we once called our home, fight over pieces of those she called family.

***

Follow the below link to purchase A Twistedly Jolly Christmas 2021 and read all 31 five minute short stories.

Before you lies a piece of a puzzle far grander than you could ever know or imagine. For scrawled in blood upon the pages hidden within the above tome is stories twisted thirty-one in all, soaked in the embers of my insanity. Five minutes to glimpse inside the eyes of someone new, five minutes to answer, five minutes to sin, five minutes to do almost anything. A god, a demon, a harlot, a whore. A fascist, a killer, a sinner, a door. Death and division, humanity askew. A belfry of bats, a sea of black cats, so many moments out there to see, so many things you could see with me. So take a seat beside me and call it voodoo, because now you ride with me too…

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“I can’t believe that’s what it truly is, I mean, if they’re real what else is?” he asks as he turns back and looks at the others in a perplexed manner.

“Daddy said your imagination is only as strong as your belief, and if you believe enough, anything is possible.”

Patrick rolls his eyes and sighs loudly. “Clare, don’t take this the wrong way, but your Daddy is a complete moron, and he’d say anything to keep you asking too many questions.”

“W-W-What does that mean?” she cries as she turns to her father with wide doughy dog eyes.

He casts a wayward glance over to Patrick, and sneers. “Yeah, little brother, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?”

Patrick puts his hands in the air and smiles nervously. “Calm the FUCK down bro, I-I, I was just pulling your leg is all.” he says as he sheepishly turns back to Clare. “I was joking honey, your dad, your dad is one of the smartest men I know, and that’s why I like to joke about him every now and then, because it makes me feel smarter,” he says with a soft smile, as he throws his brother a quick glance and winks at him sarcastically.

“Look, can we stop trying to win that coveted retarted family of the year award, and focus on the real problem at hand!” Selena spits from the doorway.

“Why don’t you get over here and say that, instead of standing in the doorway like some loser with no friends,” Patrick says proudly.

“I’d rather have no friends and be alive, than be you and dead.”

“Ouch, I see your wife still dislikes me.”

“No one likes you Patrick, it’s why I moved halfway around the world after mum and dad died, but you FUCKING followed me here, didn’t you?”

“SHIT STANLEY! I suddenly feel like this has turned into a everyone hates Patrick party, and I’m the guest of honour who wasn’t invited!”

“I don’t hate you Uncle Patrick, you’re the most bestest uncle in the whole entire world,” Clare says with a beaming smile across her face as she tugs on his shirt corner.

He smiles softly and gives her a wink. “Thanks muffin top, I knew I could count on you, even if I am your only uncle.”

“ARE WE DONE!” Selena bellows from the doorway once more. “ARE WE ALL HAPPY AND CONTENT NOW?”

“I don’t know, are there blow jobs later on?”

“What the FUCK?” Stanley seethes as he guides Clare out of the way and shapes himself up to his brother.

“Hey big guy calm down, I’m only asking for a friend, honestly!” he says as he gives Stanley a wink while a sly smile draws itself across his face. Without hesitation Stanley drives a well-placed punch into Patrick’s kidney, sending him stumbling across the room.

“GIVE ME ONE MORE REASON! JUST ONE AND I’LL GIVE YOU THAT BEATING I ALWAYS PROMISED YOU!” Stanley growls.

“FOR GOD’S SAKE STOP FIGHTING AND LOOK AT THE WALL! SOMETHINGS MOVING!” Selena screams, as everyone’s attention turns back to the crudely constructed nest that sits up in the topmost corner of the wall.

Clare’s eyes widen and a huge smile adorns her face. “SEE! SEE! I TOLD YOU IT WAS WHERE HEATHER LIVED!” she cries as the small toylike Christmas elf craws out of the hole and stares down at the group, then bares rows of razor-sharp teeth and leaps towards them, followed by several hundred smaller ones that crawl out of the nest behind her.

***

Follow the below link to purchase A Twistedly Jolly Christmas 2021 and read all 31 five minute short stories.

Before you lies a piece of a puzzle far grander than you could ever know or imagine. For scrawled in blood upon the pages hidden within the above tome is stories twisted thirty-one in all, soaked in the embers of my insanity. Five minutes to glimpse inside the eyes of someone new, five minutes to answer, five minutes to sin, five minutes to do almost anything. A god, a demon, a harlot, a whore. A fascist, a killer, a sinner, a door. Death and division, humanity askew. A belfry of bats, a sea of black cats, so many moments out there to see, so many things you could see with me. So take a seat beside me and call it voodoo, because now you ride with me too…

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