The last breath leaves Clifford’s body, and the room falls silent, as all eyes turn towards the floor, and nay the sound of those in attendance breathing is all that fills the room. But for Clifford, it is a whole different world that is thrust at his feet.
He falls through the air at a rate of knots unfathomable, and then with the impact that should spread his innards to his outs, he hits the hardened earth with a thump. Wearily he pulls his undamaged form from the ground and looks around with eyes full of horror.
“W-W-W-What have I-I-I, I done t-t-to d-deserve this?” he stammers through parched lips.
“Where do you want me to start, with the WHORE you fucked, stabbed and robbed in New Ham, or was it that time you masturbated to you mum sucking your best friend Carl’s dick the night you came back from college, or maybe it was when you took her yourself later that night, in the dark, pretending to Carl! Are those enough to see fit your place in this sinful realm, or do you wish for me to spill more?”
“I-I-I, I n-n-neve…”
“DON’T LIE TO ME CLIFFORD, FOR I AM THE KING OF ALL THAT IS, AND IS NOT! FOR YOU SEE, A LIE HERE WILL COST YOU SEVERAL LIFETIMES OF PAIN, OF COUSE THE TRUTH DOES THE SAME!” a naked red fleshed figure snarls as it strides before him, its twelve-inch cock pulsating, while milk drips from the nipples of its enormous breasts.
“W-W-W-WHAT ARE Y-YOU!” Clifford screams as he scrambles away, his eyes wide, his flesh pale and cold.
He smiles and licks his lips with a forked tongue. “Are we both going to play this game, or can we move on to the next part of your eternal punishment?”
“I-I-I, I d-d-don’t de…”
“LIAR!” it bellows as it grips Clifford by the skull and lifts him into the air. “YOU ARE A GREEDY, SINFUL LITTLE MAN. A WEED IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN, WHO STUCK HIS LIMP DICK INTO HIS OWN MOTHER AND IMPREGNATED HER WITH HIS DARK FUCKED UP SEED! YOU VIOLATED THAT WHICH WAS WRITTEN BY HE WHO GOVERNED IT ALL, AND NOW, NOW YOU MUST PAY THE PRICE FOR THAT AND ALL THE OTHER SINS YOU COLLECTED DURING YOUR ROTTEN LIFE!” it bellows as his thrusts a clawed hand high into the air and brings it down towards the screaming Clifford. But before the hand hits, the world is going and he is sitting in a pale room, across from a old man who stares at him blankly.
“Hello Clifford, I’ve been waiting for you,” the old man says with a long-winded sigh.
“A-A-Are you G-G-God?” Clifford stammers.
The man smiles broadly and nods his head with proud gusto. “No,” he says as he beings shaking his head. “I am not God.”
“T-T-Then where am I-I if y-you’re not God?”
The old man shrugs his shoulder. “FUCKED if I know, I was just asked to wait here for you. I was hoping you’d be able to tell me what the HELL I was doing here, not the other way around.”
Clifford blinks several times, before the old man bursts out laughing, slapping his thighs with excited jubilation. “JUST KIDDING! OF COURSE I’M GOD! WHO ELSE WOULD I BE, IF I WASN’T GOD!” the old man roars with laughter.
“T-T-Thank G-G-God,” Clifford sighs as he falls back in the seat. “F-F-For a minute there I thought you were the other guy trying to t-trick me.”
The smile drops from the old man’s lips, and he stares at Clifford deathly. “So it worked then,” he says as the red fleshed creature tears out of the little man’s form, grabs Lifford by the skull, and swallows him whole. “Gestate on that for a while mamma’s boy, and we’ll pick up in a century or two,” it says with a heartly laugh, while Clifford screams in terror as he slides ever downwards, towards his never ever end.

***

Follow the below link to purchase A Twistedly Jolly Christmas 2022 and read all 31 five minute short stories.

Before you lies a piece of a puzzle far grander than you could ever know or imagine. For scrawled in blood upon the pages hidden within the above tome is stories twisted thirty-one in all, soaked in the embers of my insanity. Five minutes to glimpse inside the eyes of someone new, five minutes to answer, five minutes to sin, five minutes to do almost anything. A god, a demon, a harlot, a whore. A fascist, a killer, a sinner, a door. Death and division, humanity askew. A belfry of bats, a sea of black cats, so many moments out there to see, so many things you could see with me. So take a seat beside me and call it voodoo, because now you ride with me too…

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