“Yeah, you heard me RIGHT! THEY FUCKING STOLE it from ME like it was THEIRS to begin with!” he spits through bloody lips. “THEY used MY night, MY power, to build their SINKING empire on while I faded away into NOTHING!”

“I wouldn’t say you faded into nothing Samael.” she purrs with a cheeky smile across her cherry-coloured lips.

“THEY STOLE IT FROM ME! FROM ME THE CHILD OF THE LIGHT!” he bellows.

“It was never YOURS! It was no ones, not until the birth of the lord and saviour Jesus Christ that is.”

“FUCKING HELL WOMAN, Christ is more of a fictional character then Father BLOODY Christmas!”

She allows a laugh to escape her lips, before crossing her legs and leaning seductively forward. “Some may say the same about you.” she scoffs.

He grins broadly, twisting his nose upward with a smugness earned through decades of skulduggery. “Tell me, how many times have you shared a room with that ponce Christ or old man kiddy-fiddler Christmas?”

“That’s not the point of the statement, it was just trying to point out a fact that you cannot give.”

“BULLSHIT! There is no point to YOUR statement, that’s why you made it! That’s why you all exist! There is no reason whatsoever for you to be here, for me to be here, yet here we are, here it all is. Now, answer my question. How many times have you shared a room with either of those two pieces of fictional SHIT!”

She lets out a stuttered breath. “Once, for both.”

Samael’s eyes widen and his lips quiver. “Y-Y-You lie,” he stammers.

She shakes her head in disagreement and smiles broadly. “No, I don’t, of course with you being the price of lies you already know that. But still you asked, why is that?” she asks with a tilt of her head.

“I-I-I,” he mutters through trembling lips.

“What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?” she purrs sarcastically, throwing her hair back and allowing a playful laugh to escape her lips. “You are too easy to play with Samael, I had though the price of lies would be somewhat harder to manipulate than I was led to believe, yet here we are, you and I.”

“W-W-Who put you up t-to this? W-Who have you c-c-conspired with against me?”

“Why does it have to be with others? Why can’t it just be me?” she asks with a wicked grin across her lips.

The smile wraps itself across his lips once more, broader than before, almost touching each ear lobe. “You already answered you question, with the proclamation before your last question.”

“I-I-I,” she stammers this time.

“Are we swapping roles, or just the shoes we wear in this conversating?” he asks with a raise of his eyebrows.

“I-I-I, I still have you in MY trap! I-I-I, I still hold POWER OVER YOU!” she spits nervously.

He stands tall and holds his hands out flat towards her. “There is no such thing as power, over me,” he says as he spreads his hands in separate directions which tear her arms from her body. She screams in pain and terror, while he laughs heartedly as he takes a step out of her demonic trap. With a wave of his hand he raises her into the air until she is dangling playfully before him like a cat toy, while her blood spills from where her arms once joined her body.

“W-W-Why g-go through all t-t-this if you c-could just w-w-walk away a-a-at any time?” she grimaces weakly.

“Why do the stars shine? Why do the bird fly? Why does everything be?”

“I-I-I, I DON’T UNDERSTAND!” she screams.

“Exactly,” he says as he squeezes his hands together, and breaks every bone in her body.

“SAMAEL!” a voice bellows from beyond the darkness that has settled around the two.

“You started it Christ! You and your little army of HUMANS!” he spits, as he drops her lifeless corps into a pool of her own blood and turns to face a mirror image of himself. “You look like shit,” he spits.

“It’s better than looking like you, no wait that’s what I look like,” he retorts sarcastically.

“Sarcasm, this is new.” Samael sneers with an eyebrow raised.

“What can I say, parts of you rub off on someone eventually.”

“No, that’s not what happens.” He snarls as he taps his chest repeatedly before grabbing his crotch. “Eventually I rub myself off on someone, but I never pass on a part of me, not ever! What happened you since I last saw your perfect arse?”

“He’s been smoking LSD with a commune full of hippies for the last sixteen years, he ain’t the same Christ you once knew,” a large red suited figure says as he drags an enormous red sack behind him that moves and screams with each step the man takes.

“What’s in the bag?”

“The commune,” he says with a broad smile, that freely displays his rotten teeth.

“Glad to see at least you haven’t changed Christmas,” Samael says with a broad grin.

“Someone has to keep on repping the old ways, otherwise we’d just die off like all the other sorry FUCKS!” he says with a jolly belly laugh. “Did you like your BIRTHDAY present OLD man? I hope you still have a thing for red heads.”

“Some things never change,” Samael says with a wicked laugh. “Some things never change at all! Merry Christmas!”

***

Follow the below link to purchase A Twistedly Jolly Christmas 2022 and read all 31 five minute short stories.

Before you lies a piece of a puzzle far grander than you could ever know or imagine. For scrawled in blood upon the pages hidden within the above tome is stories twisted thirty-one in all, soaked in the embers of my insanity. Five minutes to glimpse inside the eyes of someone new, five minutes to answer, five minutes to sin, five minutes to do almost anything. A god, a demon, a harlot, a whore. A fascist, a killer, a sinner, a door. Death and division, humanity askew. A belfry of bats, a sea of black cats, so many moments out there to see, so many things you could see with me. So take a seat beside me and call it voodoo, because now you ride with me too…

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