“It’s not like that,” he says as he throws himself onto the table that sits before him. Spit sprays from his mouth and showers her face, but she doesn’t register the spit hitting her, she only continues to smile.
“You have forfeited all and any ability to make alterations, and or claims now that twenty-four hours have passed since you signed your signature on the contract. There is little to anything that you, or I for that matter can do. It is suggested in the bylaws that if one does come forward with a complaint such as the one you have brought forward, that we once again address the original specifications of the agreement.” she smiles broadly, showing off her perfectly white teeth.
“But it’s NOT fair! What we agreed to was not what I originally asked for,” he says, the frustration oozing off each word.
“Any displeasure, or deviation from the original agreement should have been made within the first twenty-four hours, anythi….”
“TO HELL WITH YOUR FIRST TWENTY-FOUR HOUR BULLSHIT!” he screams slamming his fists into the table once more. “I was unaware there was any deviation or problem with the fucking thing until I got a good look at it!” he yells waving his hands towards her sporadically.
“It states in clause two of the agreement, that all goods must be checked by the purchaser within the first twenty-four hours after signature of the agreement. Otherwise any displeasure, and or deviation from the original agreement will not be covered by any form of warranty.” she says, the broad smile still plastered upon her lips.
“But it’s not FAIR!” he yells. “How was I to know there was going to be an issue? How was a supposed to know I should check every INCH of it before I took it home?”
“Because it states for that to be done in the contract you signed, and not only that.” she says with a smile, “You also signed box sixty-seven which states that you not only read the contract, but that you also fully understood the documents that you were signing.”
“No one EVER actually reads all that shit!” he says as he throws his hands in the air in frustration.
“But that’s why we required you to sign box sixty-seven, to ensure that you read and completely understand what you are signing.”
“FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! CAN I SPEAK TO A FUCKING HUMAN?” he yells.
“There is a three hundred and forty day wait to speak to a human operator, are you happy to be moved into the queue?”
“FINE!” he hisses in frustration as she disappears. The egg-shaped pod that he is sitting in slides into an enormous warehouse filled with thousands upon thousands of similar looking pods. As his pod comes to a stop behind another, he turns to the motionless girl who sits beside him and lets out another sigh of frustration. The girl jerks forward and turns to face him, smiling broadly.
“My love, whatever is the matter?” she asks as she places a hand on his lap, his face scrunches up and he pulls his hand away.
“I SAID DON’T TOUCH ME UNTIL WE GET RID OF THAT THING!” he bellows, her face drops and she frowns.
“You’re still unhappy about it, aren’t you?” she asks, “Is it because it’s bigger than yours?” she adds as she pulls her massive penis free from her pants.

***

Follow the below link to purchase A Twisted Halloween 2019 to read all 31 five minute short stories.

Before you lies a piece of a puzzle far grander than you could ever know or imagine. For scrawled in blood upon the pages hidden within the above tome is stories twisted thirty-one in all, soaked in the embers of my insanity. Five minutes to glimpse inside the eyes of someone new, five minutes to answer, five minutes to sin, five minutes to do almost anything. A god, a demon, a harlot, a whore. A fascist, a killer, a sinner, a door. Death and division, humanity askew. A belfry of bats, a sea of black cats, so many moments out there to see, so many things you could see with me. So take a seat beside me and call it voodoo, because now you ride with me too…

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